109: Let Him Figure It Out: The Revolutionary Relationship Shift That Makes His Choices Clear [Why Women Go To Therapy Series]

In this episode of the Zero Disturbance Podcast, we continue the series Why Women Go to Therapy by exploring a counterintuitive and often uncomfortable truth: women can be disrespectful to men by not allowing them to figure things out for themselves.
We highlight how women, who statistically attend therapy at much higher rates and have been socially conditioned to be nurturers, often slip into mothering, over-functioning, and enabling male partners. This deprives men of the opportunity to develop the foundational belief “I can figure things out”—a belief essential for emotional maturity, accountability, and healthy relationship dynamics.  Learn what really happens when women stop “figuring things out” for their partners—and why it’s one of the most empowering shifts you can make in a relationship.

We’re calling listeners to step into a new framework:
✨ I can figure things out — and he can figure things out.
From this place, women can stop managing, fixing, and rescuing, and instead shift toward clear expectations, self-responsibility, and relational self-respect. The episode encourages deeper reflection on enabling behaviors, misplaced responsibility, and the revolutionary possibility of holding men capable instead of helpless.

🎯 KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. Women Are Often Over-Functioning in Relationships

Because women attend therapy more frequently and are conditioned to be nurturers, they often take responsibility for emotional labor, change efforts, and “relationship management” that does not belong to them. When women step back, we reclaim our energy and clarity—honoring our boundaries and focusing on our own growth.

2. The Real Disrespect: Not Allowing Men to Figure Things Out

When women assume men can’t improve, regulate emotions, communicate, or take responsibility, they unintentionally infantilize them. This diminishes growth and creates inequitable relationships. When women step back, he shows who he really is—takes responsibility (or doesn’t), learns (or doesn’t), and reveals patterns. When the relationship shifts, and healthier dynamics emerge, we allow the truth about compatibility to become clear.

3. The Most Powerful Belief: “I Can Figure Things Out”

In EMDR and in life, this positive belief fosters internal safety, resilience, autonomy, and evolution. Equally important? Believing others — including men — can figure things out too.

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Come learn with us at Zero Disturbance: 

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook 

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With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.